Big City Dreamin'

i moved here to nyc chasing dreams. my dreams happened to include love (my husband) and creating art. i've been living here for 2 years and dayum! this city is something specially. most new yorkers will tell you the same thing, "i have a love/hate relationship with new york". there have been times where i straight hated this town and everything in it. but the alternative? seriously? there is none...at least not at this stage of my life. this city forces you to quit or succeed. take it or leave it. bottom line.
i can say as of late my whole disposition has changed drastically. maybe God is saying, "give this kid a break" but i'm finally getting one! maybe i always have and i just couldn't see it. but yeah...amazing things have transpired in these past 2 days (i will elaborate in the upcoming weeks). my life hasn't "changed" but my perception of life is a complete 180 from where it was even last year. maybe it's because i started believing and having faith again. for whatever reason i thought being 'mature' and responsible meant sacrificing what i love for what makes "sense". i tried that and was a miserable human being and it showed in ALL areas of my life. thanks to this whole #shameless campaign i'm back to my cooky cray-cray self. i'm really beginning not to give a damn what that stupid little inner voice thinks nor what others think for that matter! i care about responsibilities and priorities and even opinions of others but life is about living and dreaming and having fun and being free. i'm slowly but surely setting myself free from my own insecurities and mental limitations and it is SOOOOO liberating! it's so #shameless!!!
believe in yourself and just do it! if you quit something and feel great, then clearly that was the right move, but if you quit and are unhappy, i implore you to revisit those dreams. you probably simply need to try another tactic. there are multiple ways to end up at your destination. work harder, work smarter and just start thinking creatively and out the box :)

i love you guys! thanks for your encouraging words and support.

"our doubts are traitors and make up loose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt"-Shakespeare.

i'm so grateful to live in this cut throat city. 

nyc i love you for forcing me to hustle and grind it out. i wouldn't dream of having it any other way!

back to beauty

i'm super excited to be working tomorrow on my first beauty test here in NYC!!! i'll be working with the talented makeup artist Cassi Renee and a gorgeous new face with MuseNYC i go through these phases where i have a love hate relationship with fashion/beauty photography. i was so into fashion photography until i grew up and started to get to know some of these models and how cut throat this industry can be and how it scarred a model's self perception. i also didn't like how fashion photography was perceived as a pedestal and everything else was a "job" to support a photographer's passion for fashion. don't get me wrong i love fashion and beauty but LIFE is beautiful! life is so vast and i appreciate the beauty it has to offer which is why my photography is so broad these days. i guess i just needed to re-explore the beauty life had to offer and capture it in photographs before getting back into fashion/beauty. i'm confident i've found a balance which is now reflected in my work. we can all find beauty or the grotesque in anything...i'm looking forward to seeing the beauty in "beauty" photography. here's my inspiration for tomorrow:

tomorrow's shoot is a combination of beauty and art. my goal is to blow the prints up super large, frame them and hang them on my living room wall. i'm all about supporting artist by buying art, but as of late i'm itching to create my own. wish me luck!

Simply Happy

The road to happiness is a simple one.  Do what makes you happy. If you enjoy biking, bike. If you enjoy singing sing. We must find happiness from within and stop expecting and/or demanding it from others.  It’s not your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, mom, dad or besties fault for your unhappiness. Take responsibility.  Keep in mind however, that you are not responsible for another's happiness. As much as we want to please others, if they're unhappy it is not your responsibility to make them happy. I'm not saying you should be insensitive, but know that despite your efforts of trying to "save" someone, only they can.

Act on the things within your control. If no one wants to go to the movies with you then go by yourself. If your boyfriend didn’t buy you a Christmas present, that’s wack and you should probably tell him how much you’d appreciate a gift, then move on. You hate your job? Before you quit try changing your perspective and how you interact with others. Whenever those tendencies to criticize someone else creep in, redirect and focus on YOU and what you need to do to reach your goals. And since I’m on the topic, create goals! Doable goals, then work towards them and accomplish them.  Progress and accomplishment, for me at least, makes me happy. Not achieving my goals make me feel inferior, inadequate, and lame. Start setting small goals building your confidence so you can later on achieve bigger goals. Life and happiness isn’t complicated yet we, myself included, make it out to be.
SIMPLIFY your life! Try not to analysis, assume, judge, criticize...these are all signs that you’re not taking responsibility and are in fact blaming someone else for your unhappiness. And in the same token you're not responsible for someone else's unhappiness so stop blaming yourself if you are. We all go through highs and lows. But it's important to act responsibly and not dish out our emotions on others.
Do that which makes you happy! Simple :)

Speaking of misery, I dragged myself to the beach on Monday spreading my pink eyes with the world. I had to escape the confines of my apartment and have some happy time.

taking photos on instagram make me happy :)

relaxing doing nothing on a beach feels odd...i can never sit still so this was a good change...notice how i'm still taking pictures, doing something :)

hanging out with cool peeps makes me happy :)

i'm happy to say my pink eyes are gone too.